Turning point.

Well, I had a nice little bog entry that I had worked on for a good 30+ minutes and then I lost internet and… it is never to be seen again. :/ Right now I am in an air conditioned (thank God) hotel room in the province of Chiriquí in the north west of Panamá. All I know is that it took 7 hours to get here and I would not be able to point our location out on a map. We are here for a church service/conference thing. (I’m so informed, I know) That’s how we roll here…

I only have a few short weeks left in this country and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t super ecstatic about returning to the USA. These past few months here have been a great learning experience. It has been challenging in some ways and too easy in others. This may just be a normal part of post-grad life but I really miss the convenient social life and being surrounded by friends my age like I had at the university. I’ve made a few friends and many acquaintances here, I just haven’t been able to get plugged into a consistent group in any way. And that’s okay, it just hasn’t happened.

Of course I was always the kid who could entertain herself for hours on end without a human being in sight, running on pure imagination. And I do often get recharged by having time to myself. But I have come to the conclusion that I truly thrive when surrounded by people.

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Things I discovered/decided recently after hours (days, weeks) of alone time and introspection:

  1. I do not want to compartmentalize my life. I am not going to avoid topics that I am passionate about just because it makes some people uncomfortable. If we cannot have honest conversations in faith circles and with family then what purpose are these support systems even serving? They are supposed to be our safe places…
  2. I am turning down the negative voices. I am a big girl and can tell the difference between constructive criticism and destructive cynicism. I know who my biggest supporters are and I thank God that He put people in my life who love me unconditionally.
  3. My biggest fear is not being free. I fear being stuck in one place and not being able to leave. (physically, emotionally, spiritually, psychologically)
  4. I am amazed at how God uses us when we are feeling the most inadequate. I know the Kingdom works that way but it still gets me every time…
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