2018 Reflections

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Our digital Christmas card

The time leading up to Christmas I felt this ache in the pit of my stomach. Part of it was remembering how hard my first holidays were here in Honduras last year and feeling anxious to do something, anything differently for my emotional well-being; and part of it was guilt for even having expectations of grandeur. I shared this reflection on Facebook and Instagram on Dec. 14:

I have to admit that this time of year is hard emotionally for me. Not only do I miss home and traditions I grew up with but on top of that I honestly just resent how big my expectations are of the holidays. My question is, “Why did I grow up expecting SO MUCH out of the Christmas season?”

2018-12-14 10.11.19Working in rural Honduras + hearing stories of my husband’s childhood always gives me good perspective. I’m still learning.

Here is my end-of-the-year reflection:

•••••

S I M P L I C I T Y

when thanking the Lord for food on the table is because you’ve experienced days without it. when the concept of a “Christmas list” is completely foreign because the best way you can imagine celebrating the holiday is with a pile of plump tamales and maybe a “new” piece of clothing. when your nostalgia for the season isn’t tied to materialism and you’re actually free to enjoy the holiday whether in abundance or in lack. when you have no expectations of extravagance, no entitlement, and you can find joy in the simple things.

SIMPLICITY: some of us are so rich we can’t afford it.

•••••

Here’s wishing you and yours a cozy Christmas season; may we take joy in the simple things.

 


Then, I saw someone nonchalantly post something on social media while visiting Honduras on a short term mission trip that said, “this is so easy!” referring to missions. So, I wrote a little response to that on Dec. 22 while also realizing that is not a common opinion… I just wanted to address it for anyone who would be naive to think that a short term trip would actually represent the reality of living on the mission field full time:

“Missions is easy”

I recently heard someone say this… while they were on a short term trip. This would be like me babysitting my niece for a day and saying, “parenting is easy!” And all the moms said “amen.” You can’t compare the two.

(This post is less about me and more of an homage to the faithful servants who have been doing this cross-cultural ministry thing for years.)2018-12-14 10.08.34-3

Missions isn’t easy. Vacationing is easy. Learning a second language well enough to connect at a heart level isn’t easy. Wading the waters of cultural norms and social faux pas and constantly feeling like someone somewhere doesn’t approve or questions your motives isn’t easy.

Living by faith and not having a steady income isn’t easy. Not being understood by those back home for choosing to live this way isn’t easy. Swaying in the tension of feeling inadequate for not having the “success markers” that some people at home have yet feeling painfully fortunate for what you do have… isn’t easy.

Working in an environment with individuals who have suffered from trauma and inferiority complexes isn’t easy. Recognizing and repenting for your own god-complexes isn’t easy. Releasing control of schedules and timelines and comforts and conveniences and sometimes safety isn’t easy.

I’m just getting started at this. God-willing, I’ll have many more good years of service ahead of me. Is the work fulfilling and does it have significant moments of joy along the way? Absolutely. But it’s not easy.

I’ve observed missionaries who have been doing this thing for decades and am always in awe at their quiet diligence. Someone from the states will visit them for a week and be praised for their sacrifice. Short term trips can certainly be noble but… do you know what sacrifices that missionary who’s been on the field for twenty years has made??

I can promise you, she might use any adjective to describe her journey but it wouldn’t be “easy.”


THEN, I found this blog entry that eloquently depicted everything I’ve ever tried to say about living abroad. I’ll quote an excerpt below but read the whole thing here.

MEET ME IN THE MIDDLE

“Most of us try to help needs. Many of us give until it hurts, but it’s never enough.  We live in the “Middle”; in between two worlds which contrast themselves in a million different ways.  To Americans, we are the missionaries who are always in need and the ones who gave up so much. To many people in our host country, we are the wealthy; the glowing answers to meeting their needs and who just need to give more.

…I thought about taking a picture and posting it. I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to document our Christmas morning for either one of my two worlds to either pity or envy.”


I’m a sucker for new years, new seasons, new possibilities, and new beginnings. I’ve been trying to decide my word for the year like many are doing. I have an idea but I can’t get the grammar of it straight. Supposedly it has to be a noun but I just come up with an adjective: UNINHIBITED… basically the opposite of inhibition… confidence? Anyway, that’s what I’m praying for this year. I’m not one of those people who blames everything on the devil but I do recognize his sneaky tactics to get us to feel unqualified, unimportant, and inhibited. So I’m standing up for myself and reclaiming that part of my personality. Here’s a little manifesto I wrote for the new year:

*me watching 2018 leave and not feeling sad about it*
EDIT-7581There is no reason to mourn the passing of years. We mourn opportunities missed or loved ones lost, but time moves on. Instead of regretting the past we have to embrace each new day, each new year as a fresh start and a world of possibility.

Starting NOW I can make better decisions. Starting NOW I can break old habits and form new ones. Starting NOW I can get my priorities in order. Starting NOW I can stop beating myself up for things I can’t control and take responsibility for the things I can. Starting NOW I can spend my time and energy on things that actually matter.

There’s no time like the present and that’s a gift too precious to squander.

So, here’s to a productive, happy, and healthy 2019!

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Emotional Responsibility

  • S O R R Y

You were never meant to carry the burden of keeping another person emotionally stable.

(I’m adding this to the things-I’ve-learned-in-my-twenties list)

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This takes the pressure off me but it also causes me to lower my own demands on those around me. And oh boy, how I’m realizing the unrealistic demands and expectations that I have been placing on friends and family and supporters recently.

First of all, this is a spiritual matter. Any time we look for approval or fulfillment in anyone/thing other than Christ we are setting ourselves up for DISAPPOINTMENT. I’ve met enough human beings to understand that we’re not perfect. When will I learn?

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At 25 I had the realization: “I am not responsible for keeping so-and-so happy” and now at 29 I’m getting the realization: “so-and-so is not responsible for keeping me happy.”

(This is an important lesson in marriage especially! Although my husband makes me very happy he is not the source of my joy or my identity.)

I am naturally sensitive and I long for words of affirmation and although I believe strongly that God made me this way it can easily become a hindrance to the work He has called me to if I am not careful. As a missionary with looming field reports and support raising and online spectators it is easy to feel like every part of your life is exposed for some kind of evaluation. This can heighten feelings of perceived rejection.

“Missionary women at times struggle with lack of understanding among friends and supporting churches at home. Women often feel it is hard for people who have never lived on the mission field to understand their needs or to relate to their struggles. Sums up one missionary, ‘It’s the rare lay person who understands what I’m experiencing and who understands my emotional needs. When I finally drum up the courage to share, I find that some spiritualize my needs, some give pat answers, and some empathize.’

[Missionary women have a pervasive] need for validation and affirmation, of both their personhood and ministry. They long to have their gifts and abilities respected and utilized, their God-given potential fully developed.

[They] need the freedom to share deeply from their hearts without people quietly dismissing their struggles or without granting them a “super-spiritual” status. One woman sadly expresses, ‘Genuine sharing of needs back home somehow seems to result in us being given the label of ‘too emotional for our own good’, like it’s inappropriate to have those needs. And that’s really painful because I so much want people to know what I struggle with. I’m not asking for sympathy, just understanding and a recognition of what we really grapple with on the mission field.'” – R.A. Graybill, “The Emotional Needs of Women on the Mission Field

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Once an acquaintance back home suggested that I “get tough” after reading a lighthearted and self-deprecating story I posted about a home maintenance fiasco we had recently. I’m sure it was said in jest but this person is not living what we live here full-time in Honduras. This person was not aware of the actual discouragement I was feeling in that moment about our unstable living situation (details I won’t make public) and the insecurity I was already experiencing about not feeling “tough enough” to make it as a missionary in Honduras.

Natán told me once during an emotional moment, “If you weren’t strong you wouldn’t be here. Your sensitivity which you think is your weakness is what brought you here to begin with.”

I have to be super vigilant to not let my sensitivity get me down. That can mean petty comments or just lack of interest or encouragement in general or the daily toll of living differently here in Central America. If I am depending on the Lord for my fulfillment then I don’t have to be tossed to and fro by others’ careless words.

While reading in Luke I got convicted of fueling that neediness at times by a puffed up attitude of self-importance. (like an emotional entitlement) When we accept a full-time ministry it should be an act of humility, never motivated by a need for praise. Luke 17:9-10 MSG: “Does the servant get special thanks for doing what’s expected of him? It’s the same with you. When you’ve done everything expected of you, be matter-of-fact and say, ‘The work is done. What we were told to do, we did.'”

Self-congratulation parading in the form of altruism is especially unflattering. We humans are so susceptible to this. Search my heart, O God.

“As you seek the Lord’s help in this area, He will guide you and give you wisdom, but it is you who needs to take the primary human initiative to get your needs met. Do not assume people around you will meet your needs; you could be very disappointed or disillusioned otherwise. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOU…not your spouse, roommate, prayer partner, mission leader, friends, or anyone else. One seasoned missionary woman emphasizes, ‘You can pray for, long for, or hope for someone else to help meet your emotional needs, but you CANNOT expect it or demand it.’ So be willing to accept responsibility for getting your own needs met. Develop a plan; be proactive and assertive. Make getting your needs enough of a priority that you are willing to invest time, energy, and money in seeking solutions. One missionary wife speaks from the voice of experience as she comments how taking initiative has been her primary life-saver. She states, ‘No one is going to observe my need and take steps to meet it. That’s my responsibility. This includes taking initiative to make time with friends, to take time to read, to include fun and relaxation, to pursue potential friendships in unlikely places—among single women and with women both younger and older than myself. If I don’t bear responsibility to do these things, no one else will either. So if they aren’t important to me, they simply won’t happen.’

57620fec9caf3e189836388c1f07b762The plain, perhaps somewhat harsh, reality of mission life is that it requires a tremendous measure of emotional resilience or hardiness if one is going to endure the course well. Taking ownership and responsibility for your own emotional needs will go a long way in strengthening your internal resources.

  • T H A N K  Y O U

Even to those encouraging people in our lives, the ones who have been there from the beginning and the ones we’re just now meeting along the way: thank you, but also know that you’re off the hook. I’m not holding emotional blackmail over your head.

  • My Emotional Manifesto:
    • I take sole responsibility for my own emotions
    • I will not feel guilty for the tumultuous emotions of others
    • I reserve the right to open up about difficult emotions only to those who have proven themselves as “safe spaces”
    • I will not jump to conclusions or label every unpleasant interaction as an outright rejection
    • I will not seek approval or validation from man
    • I don’t have to prove to anyone that my work is significant
    • I don’t have to receive praise in order to take pride in my work
    • I embrace my sensitivity as an asset to my mission work, not an obstacle
    • I will take the necessary measures to care for my emotional well-being and not feel guilty about it

58ecf02127de5224b24febc1d6e2e310Obviously, I think you all should read Uninvited by Lisa Terkeurst.

The Privilege of Sharing

If you ask a missionary what is one of the hardest parts of serving full-time on the field you very likely will hear “fundraising.” Raising support has gotten a bad reputation and sadly can become one of the biggest burdens in a Christian worker’s career. Much of this comes from lack of understanding either on the missionary’s part or that of friends and family back home. You might be surprised to discover that being fully supported by faith communities not only is biblical but it is designed by God to be a blessing to everyone involved.

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Chapters 8 and 9 of Paul’s 2nd letter to the Corinthians is basically a fundraising petition. I love that he starts out describing the eagerness of the congregation in Macedonia to give, “pleading for the privilege of sharing in service.” It’s a privilege, not a burden! The interesting thing is that they gave out of their own poverty and desperation. Oftentimes the most sacrificial and significant donations come from those who have tasted poverty and hardships firsthand themselves. I can attest to this in our ministry.

It’s good to realize that all we have comes from God. And although we are just stewarding His resources we have free will in how we spend our time, energy, and possessions. The Message paraphrase says in 2 Cor. 9:6-7, “Remember: A stingy planter gets a stingy crop; a lavish planter gets a lavish crop. I want each of you to take plenty of time to think it over, and make up your own mind what you will give. That will protect you against sob stories and arm-twisting. God loves it when the giver delights in the giving.”

I don’t always understand God’s ways but I do know that they are counter-cultural. When He prompts us to act it doesn’t always have to make logical sense. Several times while I was back home working 4 contract jobs and paying off my school loans before moving to the mission field I saw specific needs (a friend fundraising for her adoption, a friend fundraising to move as a missionary to Asia, an organization fundraising to help newly-arrived refugees) and I sensed God wanted me to give. Never once did I feel deprived or delayed in reaching my goals.

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Donna Wilson of InterVarsity Christian Fellowship says, “When raising funds we can be tempted to think, ‘I’ve got to convince people to give me some of their money.” However, the biblical view is: ‘I’m inviting people to give back to God some of His resources for His work.’ (1 Chronicles 29:14-16, paraphrased)

We’ve all been given different gifts and we all have different callings. Missionary Tom Stickney explains, “I am simply a mediator seeking to connect His people and His resources with His plan. That takes all the pressure off. The Lord calls some of us to be missionaries in Kenya, and some to be campus workers in America. Others are supposed to wear coats and ties and spend their days investing funds or buying real estate. Once we realize we’re all in the game, it’s a fixed result. We all simply play the role that God has assigned us, faithfully fulfilling the Lord’s purpose in our lives” …and on the earth!

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I’ll share a sweet testimony as an example:

My cousin, Katelyn, and I began traveling together to Honduras on short-term trips 15 years ago. We always dreamed of moving down here one day as full-time missionaries. During our college years and the time after, the Lord has led us down paths that look a little different than the original plan. Katelyn got a wonderful job as a high school math teacher and is able to positively influence teenagers. (Kingdom work!) Her job still allows her to travel on short-term trips and she has committed to partnering with my husband and me as a monthly ministry partner. She was in fact one of the very first ministry partners to commit to partnering with us financially. She knows she is fulfilling God’s call on her life in so many areas and we know that our work in Honduras would not be possible without her.

More than once I have thought, “If only I just had magical unending resources to meet my basic needs and implement all my community development program ideas here in Honduras. We’d get so much done!” But then I remember that it is a communal experience. We weren’t meant to be islands and work isolated from each other – we were created to depend on one another and so much spiritual growth comes from those relationships. This is what I keep in mind in the slow and sometimes agonizing process of support raising. Sharing is a privilege and it is a blessing to grow together during the process.

Some well-meaning people I know often get confused about what my husband and I do in Honduras and ask us some interesting questions. A common one is, “Are you looking for a job?” insinuating that our ministry is not a real job. (probably the same people who see support raising as a disguised form of begging)

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Donna Wilson says, “North American culture tells us our value is in what we own or accomplish; and our worth is reflected by position or salary. Family and friends may not consider ministry a “real job” because it lacks these traditional markers. But scripture teaches our value comes from God and His love for us. Scripture describes us as friends, children, and heirs of the King (Romans 8:14-17).

The Kingdom of Heaven is an upside-down economy. It is an economy of downward mobility. One who has grasped the revelation of the Kingdom won’t be satisfied with an earthly perspective of success. We hold Jesus as our ultimate example who left the riches of heaven and set aside all entitlement to dwell among us; Emannuel.

It’s also important to note that Jesus and His ministry were supported by the gifts of others (Luke 8:1-3) and although on occasion Paul chose to be self-supporting, more often than not he was supported by caring donors (Philippians 4:14-16).

P. L. Metzger warns us that if we’re not careful our society will lull us to sleep with its apprentice-style “survival of the economic fittest” which eclipses the biblical narrative. If you grew up with the “pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps” mentality, this kingdom economy seems really unconventional.

We are simply stewards and servants of a King who owns the cattle on a thousand hills. He is Jehovah Jireh and He is a good Father who gives His children what they need. I do not worry about tomorrow. I do not grasp too tightly to what is in my hand for I may be called to give it away and I may be called to receive something I didn’t expect – whatever is necessary to fulfill God’s purpose.


My husband, Natán, and I are incredibly grateful for the friends and family who have partnered with us in our work over the last 13 months. I can confidently say that we have not suffered lack. My lifestyle is quite different from how I grew up and in many ways is a bit more inconvenient and uncomfortable but God knows what He is doing and hasn’t failed us yet!

The Pain of Independence: a political deviant

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I’ve never been too worried about conforming. You should have seen my high school wardrobe (it was, um, *creative*) or consider the fact that I’m from the South but have an actual aversion to sweet tea and the SEC. (Yeah, several of you stopped reading right there. I know.)

I wouldn’t call myself a nonconforming rebel either but I’m pretty good at resisting peer pressure. I always felt that my inner convictions and deeply-held beliefs were far more important than popular opinion. During adolescence, right about the time I started finding my own voice and thinking critically about what I believed I received disapproval for straying a little too far from conservativism. (statistics show that most in my generation have)

About 13 years ago I spoke out in History class at my small, Christian high school in defense of immigrants and felt instantly the chasm between my viewpoint and that of my peers. I’ve since gained much more confidence, knowledge, and courage especially on the topic of immigration and have proudly landed somewhere in the moderate area of the general political spectrum. (and I think the political views of many of my classmates have also evolved) I doubt I will ever find myself at any point in my life pledging loyalty to a specific party.

First of all, I should mention that I’m not inherently political. I don’t keep up with most politics honestly and I certainly don’t go around picking internet fights with every faux news article I see shared. (I. see. a. lot. – hello, unfollow button?) The issues I am engaged with are the result of very strong convictions formed by very personal experiences, my relationship with my Savior, and the study of His teachings. I am an imperfect human doing the best I can to follow a perfect King. I honestly would avoid politics altogether (it just isn’t a pleasant subject) if it weren’t for the fact that it highly affects a lot of vulnerable people for whom I care deeply. I won’t go into detail on each policy with which I agree or disagree or those about which I honestly don’t know much. I definitely recognize that most hot-button issues are not easily resolved and are not as black and white as “right vs. wrong.” If it were so I think we would have more clearly marked camps. Obviously I believe that my beliefs are “correct” otherwise it would be non-sensical to believe them, but I do find it necessary to continually seek new information and perspectives and do my best to respect the individual who holds a contrasting opinion to my own. Respecting the individual does not mean tolerating insults, bullying, emotional manipulation, or speech that denigrates a person/persons. We have the right to shut. that. down.


Conformity vs Nonconformity

A neuroscientist, Gregory Berns, conducted an experiment on conformity vs. nonconformity in a group setting by scanning the brains (using a type of MRI) of volunteers as they answered a series of simple questions. Actors were placed in the experimental groups to confidently give wrong answers. The results, other than confirming previous research that group work influences an individual’s decision-making, showed the why behind a majority of individuals’ conformity under peer 7c2daebd86bfcb3047644e7971b0a4e7--conformity-satirepressure. It didn’t have to do with the volunteers’ conscious decision to change their answers in order to follow the crowd. The brain scans actually showed heightened activity in regions associated with visual and spatial perception meaning that popular opinion had in fact somehow changed the very perception of the volunteers. They were convinced to believe something that wasn’t true.

 

 

On the flip side the volunteers that stuck with their gut and did not conform with the
incorrect answers of the majority showed an interesting find in the brain scans as well. The amygdala, part of the brain associated with emotions such as fear and rejection, lit up. Berns called this “the pain of independence” which he says is “the clearest marker of the emotional load associated with standing up for one’s belief.” It takes courage, friends. Especially if a lot of the time you feel like you are standing up alone.


This is to point out the risk of social ostracism when one is part of a homogeneous group that doesn’t facilitate diverse viewpoints. Peer pressure is a beast.

But what if I truly agree with my group? Great! The objective is critical thinking and being able to arrive at our own conclusion and if that conclusion happens to be exactly what those around you think then, well, majority rules. 🙂 Congrats. (but maybe have a little grace with the person you meet who came to a different conclusion?)

Of all the social settings in which I’ve lived I can say that my college campus, Lee University, felt like that sweet spot of intellectual autonomy + Christian tradition. I felt very little anxiety about voicing my convictions there.

Some of the things I appreciate about my country are democracy and the freedom to express any opinion or belief. In theory we say we can respect differing opinions but we often consider a person with an opinion in contrast to our own to have some sort of character flaw. (or in evangelical circles… a crisis of faith)

Democracy depends on majority rule in the midst of dissenting voices but what happens when the majority conforms to the loudest and most obnoxious voice(s)? I hate to say that more than once I have fallen prey to psychological bullies trying to reason or guilt me out of my deeply-help opinions. Other than these less-than-desirable methods of persuasion I do appreciate having such diversity of belief in my circle.

5a20ce32c8aed4bb9feb267dcf376a65--my-life-quotes-a-quotesI would venture to say that if every one of your friends and acquaintances agrees with you religiously and politically then you probably live in a bubble and are lacking some factors that would help hone your critical thinking skills. Maybe you’ve created that bubble intentionally (I certainly gravitate toward likeminded people) and that’s your right but I’ll probably pass on having a political conversation with you. When entering into any kind of discussion over policy my first thought is, “Who is someone you know personally affected by this?”

Something else that keeps us in bubbles, and has surprised me recently, are our search engine biases. Online algorithms used in everything from our social media accounts to email to the ads on random websites we visit to what we search for in Google often keep us from venturing out of our idealogical sphere. Ever searched for something then all of a sudden see it pop up in ads with every new window you open? Same concept. We typically see what we want to see, literally and figuratively.

Our society, in its ideal state (of being), would be free thinkers and give themselves permission to dig a little deeper than their party and the news clips and sound bites and viral memes. We would graciously admit defeat when our candidate loses and we would have the integrity and humility to admit when our candidate or party is wrong. We wouldn’t assume someone’s entire idealogical makeup based on one position they hold nor would we attack someone’s opposing viewpoint with all the built up force of a lifetime of political frustration.

i.e. I share a heartwarming story about an undocumented immigrant I know who is struggling to make ends meet (unqualified for state benefits contrary to popular belief) and faithfully serves in her local church congregation. This is obviously personal and emotional to me but I am not attacking any opposing view or, believe it or not, trying to promote an agenda. I’m simply sharing a FACTUAL story from a compassionate perspective of an issue about which I care deeply.

This opens a can of worms where others (who in fact have no personal ties to an individual who had to make the difficult decision of leaving their home to provide for their family) assume the right to verbally attack me or the protagonist of my story. My question is, how did this incite such fervent refutation? Why is a popular tactic of arguing politics to take the humanity out of the debate? – and it’s done so passionately?

For the very reason that we usually bring a little too much baggage to the debate, I am very hesitant to share specific political beliefs online. We rarely understand the context, nuance, or background of the person posting the comment. There still exist many who don’t exercise as much deliberation when posting or sharing. Occasionally I’ll entertain a friendly discussion of politics from behind the screen but mostly I feel it is best reserved for personal conversation. (which isn’t necessarily always friendly either, haha)

I could get a variety of reactions to this blog post (assuming that even a handful of people read it) due to the diversity of my friends list. I don’t even know how many might actually relate to my story. My social network includes nominal evangelical Christians, Catholics, Hindus, Muslims; devout evangelical Christians, Catholics, Hindus, Muslims; atheists; agnostics; Republicans; Democrats; international friends who don’t know the meaning of either political party; heterosexuals; members of the LGBT community; so many races and nationalities I couldn’t count them all; police officers; active military; veterans; pastors; addicts; teachers; documented immigrants; undocumented immigrants; professors; missionaries; feminists; doctors; lawyers; etc.; all who are human beings with their own experiences, stories, passions, struggles, and beliefs.

Friendship Together Bonding Unity Youth Culture Concept

Of course we’re going to disagree on things. Hopefully we can learn from each other without compromising our core values. As Christians, may we use scripture as a pruning tool for ourselves and not as darts to throw at “the opposition.” May we allow the Holy Spirit to work on our hearts… as well as our tongues. Can we vow to put down our weapons of divisive speech and approach each difference of opinion while waving the banner of kindness instead? We are on the same team after all.

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The Worlds of Excess and Lack

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Take about a minute to study the illustration above. Move your eyes back and forth between the child with the iPad and the child eating off the ground. What do you feel?

This hit me like a punch in the stomach.

Shocking.

True.

How can I do more?

It says what I haven’t been able to find the words to say for a while now. Here in Central America I live in the tension that you feel when you look at this image. It’s an uncomfortable place, I admit.

I’m much more comfortable in my middle class home in Alabama, watching House Hunters on TV, surrounded by all my iThings and justifying the couple hundred dollars of recent purchases I just made on frivolous stuff for myself. I mean, I’m not rich and wasteful like those people, right?

We play the comparison game. The truth is that in the U.S. I feel borderline poor and almost convinced that I deserve more: more convenience and comfort, better service, newer gadgets, faster technology, the latest styles. But who is making me feel this lack in my life? Advertising companies? The family down the street? That friend from high school who flaunts her lavish lifestyle on Instagram? Maybe it’s time to cut those things out. I’ve recently started a discipline online of unfollowing people/media/companies that feed that insecurity in me, that insatiable hunger that tells me I need and deserve more more more. They. Are. Lies. (For parents, it might be those that convince you that you should take out a 2nd mortgage just to get your kid all those gifts for Christmas.)

As an adult (more specifically, an adult living as a foreigner in a developing country) I am fully #woke to the fact that in my family we were lavishly spoiled as children during Christmas. (which I loved as a kid, don’t get me wrong) But I think it fed that little materialism monster in me and now it’s my job to try to starve him.

It’s the reason I have a hard time answering when someone cheerfully asks, “Do you love living in Honduras?” Well, part of the time, yes, but not because I’m thoroughly enjoying myself or super comfy or even “living the adventure of a lifetime.” My lifestyle here is very different and a lot of days are hard. It helps keep me grounded and more aware of the majority world’s reality and I value that far more. In the states I can easily and comfortably forget the suffering of those outside my door – the ignorance is bliss kind of thing. Even when I go back home and spend an extended length of time I start to forget. We humans have such short attention spans.

Here, the suffering is unavoidable.

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Now that I have seen I am responsible. – Brooke Fraser


If you’re still wondering if you might be considered rich or not by global standards, Screen Shot 2017-11-27 at 1.20.26 PMcheck out the Global Rich List and see how you compare. I can bet you’re at least in the top 3% richest in the world. 😉

  • sidebar: It certainly isn’t a USA vs. majority world problem either. Economic inequality is sometimes the most extreme within the borders of one single country. The gap between rich and poor in Honduras is painfully obvious.

I just finished reading the book 7 by Jen Hatmaker – I’m behind the times, I know. The tagline is “an experimental mutiny against excess.” Yes. It encouraged me (Again. I will forever and ever need these reminders) that there is value in living more simply and that most of the things we think we need aren’t really necessities but, in fact, excess. The premise of the book is to free ourselves of the bondage of materialism while at the same time opening our eyes to the needs of others around the world. liberation + solidarity.40e6ebd24f7c0e79951a2463ca2290e6--truth-quotes-a-quotes

A good friend of mine used to say, “The most important things in life aren’t things.” Amen.

A few years ago I blogged about something similar after reading Jeff Shinabarger’s book More or Less.

I wrote, “the real kicker is that the kind of life I live here (Honduras), which at first I considered sacrificial, is still seen by many around me as living in abundance. That blows my mind.” The car I felt embarrassed to drive during college now looks like a huge blessing when I consider that most families here do well to buy one used shared vehicle. And mine was one of FIVE vehicles that my immediate family owned – practically unheard of here in Honduras.

I’m caught between these two worlds – but I want so badly that they understand each other.” (Full blog post here.)

My great frustration in life is feeling misunderstood. (My Myers-Briggs [INFP] and Enneagram [4 w 5] personality type results confirm this) So, as if to complicate things even more I decided to move to and marry into a new country and culture and language. Communicating effectively and achieving “being understood” is even more challenging yet at the same time more rewarding when it happens.

And it’s not just on the Honduras end. Sometimes it’s hard for family and friends back home to relate to my daily life (no fault of their own) or to understand that the values, norms, and status quo in Honduran society are different. It gets tricky trying to balance two different value systems. Small talk becomes even more painful when you have so much heaviness weighing on you. Very few in the states truly understand the plight of an average individual trying to make ends meet in a developing country like Honduras and even fewer truly grasp the reality that: The poorest 40 percent of the world’s population accounts for 5 percent of global income and the richest 20 percent accounts for three-quarters of world income. The inequality is staggering and it’s an inequality that has actual faces and names here.

Did you know? The money spent on diet plans in the U.S. alone could feed all starving children around the globe? The 60 billion dollars spent on Black Friday in the U.S. could solve the food crisis TWICE and the water crisis 6 TIMES?

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The wonderful thing is that statistically, Americans are more likely than any other country to voluntarily give to help the poor in other countries. Ironically, those with lower incomes actually give a higher percentage. We could improve on the fact that there is still 33% in our country who do not donate to charity at all.

On my previous short-term trips I would come home to the U.S. to my big comfortable bed and just cry because I didn’t know what to do with what I had just experienced. I knew something was terribly wrong with how I saw the majority of Americans living – their skewed priorities, their indifference to “outsiders.” Unfortunately after a few weeks, those strong feelings of unrest and conviction would start to wane. The awareness that 62% of the population of Honduras live below the poverty line would fade to the background of my consciousness because it was no longer right in front of my face. I would continue with my life and get caught up in the same trivial first world problems. I now consciously choose to keep it in the forefront of my mind no matter how uncomfortable it makes me.

I also choose to keep speaking up about it. I’ll be like that annoying dripping in the kitchen sink that just won’t. shut. up.

You’re welcome.

“Don’t store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal.” Matt. 6:19

What are some practical ways you liberate yourself and your family from the bondage of materialism and/or stand in solidarity with those suffering in and outside our borders?

*Two other life changing books on my shelf regarding this topic are Rich Christians in an Age of Hunger by Ron Sider and The Hole in Our Gospel by Richard Stearns.*

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Newlyweds on the Mission Field

It’s time to give you the lowdown on what we’ve been up to these last few months! And give you an idea of our 2018 plans.

Natán and I are living in the northwest region of Honduras and have been settling in quite nicely to newlywed life. I really can’t say enough just how thankful I am to have married someone so selfless and caring. Not only does he care for me well but he has such a heart for the marginalized and oppressed. I couldn’t ask for a better partner as we navigate this new phase of life as esposos, missionaries, directors of a nonprofit, and – for me – an expatriate in a new land and culture. It takes a lot of adapting and compromise.

We certainly couldn’t do what we do without the backing of an incredible support and prayer team back home. Even though we haven’t personally reached 100% of our monthly support goal, the Lord doesn’t cease to amaze us and continually proves Himself as our Provider.

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In our work we see heart-breaking scenarios and subpar living circumstances. 62% of the population of Honduras live below the national poverty line, or in other words, under $2.50 a day. Most of these people live in rural settings and work in agriculture. Limited education, improper nutrition, lack of clean drinking water, inadequate hygiene practices, and lack of employment opportunities or unpredictable crop yield all contribute to cycles of poverty that continue for generations. Our goal is to help families break these cycles through holistic community development programs.

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According to the CIA World Fact Book

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Lenca Indian girl in the kitchen of her home – Intibucá

We’ve identified two needy villages to begin with in the west and southwest region of the country. We’ve started with some exploratory trips and small-scale initiatives but our goal is to implement projects in 2018 that will result in self-sustainability during our 3 year involvement. (The first villages will be our pilot programs and each year our goal is to initiate new holistic programs in new needy villages.)

I posted the following on my Facebook page this past July:

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Elderly lady in the “living room” of her home – Copán, Honduras

While we don’t want to create dependency among our villager friends or base our friendship on what we give and what they receive, we recognize that certain groups of people are especially vulnerable with little chance of reaching self-sustainability such as the abandoned elderly and disabled. The lady pictured above is one example of that and is a recipient of food “handouts” whenever we visit her village.

We have a couple friends who are on board with the program in Copán and give financially specifically to fund our efforts there. We are planning a few end-of-year fundraisers to kick the program off so stay tuned! You can find giving info here.

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A recent visit to our village in Copán teaching appropriate hygiene practices and disease prevention

To get a better idea of how we distinguish relief work (which is not our focus) from development work, check out this chart developed by Steve Corbett and Brian Fikkert.

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To Give or Not To Give Positive Affirmation

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I don’t remember if I ever actually took that Love Language quiz but I am 99% sure that my love language is words of affirmation. (love receiving it but still not the best at giving it) I think the need is in my nature mostly but probably also has to do with growing up in an encouraging and affirming environment. (not always unconditional mind you) For good or for bad it kind of created a dependency I suppose. When someone withholds verbal affirmation I feel it deeply. It still makes me feel like a child. My husband is a bit more resilient and I envy him for it. But every now and then I see that inner child looking for approval come out. It’s a part of us all.

All of us were created with some degree of innate need for encouragement and that you-can-do-it voice backing us up. If our childhood is devoid of that kind of moral support it can lead to grave emotional and relational consequences. (The results of which we see a lot here in our work in Honduras.)

I’m an INFP and I’ve mentioned before that I’m a self-diagnosed highly sensitive person so this combination makes me very attuned to which individuals are affirmation-hoarders and which are generous with their praise. Yeah, I see you.

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Emotional withholding is in fact a psychological manipulation tactic. It is one thing to be careless and just not thoughtful in general but it is another thing to intentionally withhold positive speech (an emotional need) in order to a.) punish the receiver or b.) maintain a sense of imagined superiority over them. I would even say, speaking from personal experience, that some of us feel this weird need to determine who actually deserves positive words and who’s “had their fill.” Have you ever felt that sense of, “Well, they sure get enough likes on instagram. I’m not adding to it.”? Kind of silly but I think we’ve all been there.

Sadly, what I’ve noticed is that almost every affirmation-withholder I’ve met did not receive adequate positive affirmation somewhere in their past: from a parent, authority figure, former employer, etc. It’s a cycle. I know that when I feel particularly insecure and in need of verbal affirmation is when I am least likely to give it out to someone else. Those really are my most selfish times, not when I’m at the peak of my confidence. Someone has the break the cycle. And it requires some strength.

I have a couple friends who are literally the best compliment givers. They can cheer a person up in under a minute. Sometimes I’m feeling down and they catch me off guard with their positive outlook. All of a sudden I feel invincible, with my head held high, ready to lavish praise (merited or unmerited) on literally any random person who crosses my path.

Encouragement begets encouragement, and positive affirmation begets positive affirmation. What power we have in our words to create such a ripple effect. It changes the environment around us and truly has a broad outcome even beyond our sphere of influence. As children of God why would we not want to give affirmation freely?

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Paul’s letter in 1 Thessalonians 5:11 says, “…encourage one another and build one another up.” It’s a Christian responsibility! It’s important that we periodically check our hearts and pray like David, “Search me, God, and know my heart. Test my thoughts.” Even when it’s difficult or awkward or “not my style” we can step out of our comfort zone and give positive words of affirmation that someone else might be needing so badly. On the other side of the coin I also think it’s important that we examine ourselves and take responsibility for our own emotions that deep down our identity and security is founded in Christ and not in any human’s words. Working on it. 🙂

What about you? Are you on the needy end of the spectrum? Do you consider yourself generous with encouragement?